7 Strategies for New Empty Nesters (Part 2 of 2)

Some parents struggle with this new stage more than others, but for every parent, having your last child leave home is undoubtably a time of great change and mixed emotions. On one hand you are excited for your child and feel happy for the new stage of life they are entering, but on the other, there is a certain amount of grief that is felt with their growing up and becoming more independent- becoming less dependent on you. 

There are several emotional and psychological changes one can make to try to ease some of the negative feelings associated with becoming an empty nester, such as changing your perspective (instead of thinking you are done parenting remember your role as a parent is simply changing, instead of thinking of this as the end think of it as a beginning, ect), allowing yourself to grieve, and so on- but there are also many activities you can participate in to maximize your happiness during this new chapter and minimize the anxiety and sadness. So we have compiled a list of 7 things you can do to kickstart your new life as an empty nester!

1. Make a list of goals 

They can be goals for this week, this year, or the next ten years, but writing down what types of things you would like to get accomplished in this new stage will help you to feel more excited and less nervous about the changing situation. 

2. Get busy!

Initially you will have more trouble controlling some of the emotional upset and negative thoughts, so it is important to keep yourself busy! Fill up your schedule as much as possible- go to the gym, clean the house, treat yourself to a pedicure, meet up with friends- anything to get your mind off things for a while!

3. Tell them you miss them- but not too much

As hard as it might be, let your kids call you not the other way around. They are going to be really busy getting involved in school and making new friends. But when they do call, don't feel like you can't tell them that you miss them or are thinking about them, this is a scary time with big changes for your child as well, so it will probably comfort them and mean a lot to hear those things from you. But don't tell them too much about how much you miss them because that might make them feel sad or guilty. 

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4. Focus on your marriage

Once all the kids are out of the house, the dynamics between you and your husband are going to be changing for the first time in almost two decades, so really take this time to enjoy the changing relationship. Go on some special dates, make a bucket list, do something really fun together and just enjoy each other's company. 

5. Focus on your career or a new hobby

If you are a working mom, use this time to really dive into and get ahead in your career. If you were a stay at home mom, use the newfound freedom and less hectic schedule to start to do some things you have wanted to do but haven't had time for. Plant a garden, learn how to be a better cook, learn a new language- the possibilities are endless! This is the first time in your life since having children that you can really truly step back and work on yourself, so enjoy it!

6. Start a new workout routine

Continuing with the theme of working on yourself, this is the perfect time to get into a really good work out routine! Especially if you're having a down day, hitting the gym, getting some blood circulating and some endorphins pumping is almost guaranteed to make you feel better! Eating healthy and exercising aren't only good for your physical health, but excellent for your mental health as well.

7. Schedule a Girls' Night Out- or ten

There is nothing like a night out with the girls to make you feel better when you're down. And now that it is just you and your husband around, you'll have more down time- so call up your girlfriends and plan a night out with plenty of wine! With the hectic schedules and busy-ness of motherhood, it is easy to let weeks or even months slip by without getting together, so really use this time to focus on your friendships and make Girls Night Out a regular part of your new routine. Maybe even try to cultivate some new friendships or get together with a few acquaintances, you never know who you can have certain things in common with that can turn into a great friendship. 

Comment below and tell us what strategies you used to cope with becoming an empty nester! 

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Healing An Empty Heart From Your Empty Nest (Part 1 of 2)

It happens many times throughout motherhood, that squeeze in your chest, that inevitable ache in your heart that comes with change, a new chapter, the next step in your child's life. It starts when you have to leave your baby at daycare that first day back to work, the first time you drop them off at preschool, putting them on the bus for kindergarten- then before you know it, it's their first day of college.

Many mixed feelings come with these days, which can be confusing. On one hand you see the joy in their eyes, the big smile on their face, and feel happy for them- this is an exciting time in their lives- but on the other hand, you feel the grieving associated with change and moving on, they are leaving home and growing up. You can remember their birth, their first words, their 6th birthday, all like it was yesterday- how has time flown by so quickly? How is it possible they are 18 and now leaving for college? 

Many mothers feel tremendous worry when sending their child to college, what if they are not ready to leave home? What if they get sick or have trouble remembering to do important things? What if they party too hard or let their grades slip? These thoughts will make you feel anxious and the desire to not let them leave. But it is important to learn to let them, and these thoughts, go. Your child is 18 now, they are growing up and becoming their own person, and part of this is learning that they are going to make their own choices, as well as their own mistakes. As much as you will want to, you cannot protect and shield them from the real world forever. Just remind yourself that you did the very best job loving them and preparing them as you could, and now the rest is up to them.

The first step to coping with the change that comes with becoming an empty nester is to know that the feelings of grief and loss are both natural and inevitable- so welcome them. Know that it doesn't matter how hard you scrub the tub or organize the fridge, the tears will eventually come. But also know that it is okay, change is scary. But as scary as it is, change also an opportunity to start something new. With the ending of one chapter comes the beginning of another.

To learn more about Modern Moms and The Mom Code, please visit ONCEKids Publishing website, Facebook and Twitter

So allow yourself to think those bittersweet thoughts and feel that pang of sadness, but don't put them off and be in denial until it is time to say goodbye, or you will overwhelm yourself (and probably your child!) with the abrupt waterfall of emotions. Instead take some time in the weeks before move-in day arrives to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally with the change that is coming. 

Once the dreaded goodbye has been made and you've arrived back to your much quieter house, let the waterworks come, even allow yourself to slip into the regretful ugly cry. Get that emotional first visit to their now-empty room over with and the second (or third...okay maybe seventh) breakdown that will follow after finding their favorite stuffed animal tucked away under their bed. But once you have gotten that out of your system, it is time to get going on the start of your next chapter! 

Learn how to get going on starting your new chapter with Part 2: Strategies for New Empty Nesters

Has your family received a Nook, Kindle or iPad this year?  Find Fujimini Adventure Series award-winning books here.  Great family-friendly gifts.