The Most Critical "Don'ts" in Motherhood

As you prepare for motherhood for the very first time, there are lots of books and people giving you advice, filling you in on all the things you should do as a mother- but there are also a lot of things you should avoid doing as a parent that the books aren’t as quick to tell you. A lot of the “do’s” of parenting aren’t universal, every situation and every child is different, but there are some “don’ts” of mothering a child that every woman should take into consideration. 

Jill Smokler tells us some of the most important don’ts in parenting, something that every mother and mother-to-be can learn from.

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1. Don’t ever claim that you have mastered parenting or are the best at it

Jill’s first piece of advice is crucial. The world of parenting is unique from any other world, even in some ways from other parents’, and even the most “prepared” parent will find it has many curve balls to offer. Always remember to be humble because you never know what kids can throw at you. 

2. Don’t sweat the small stuff

I’ve said this in blogs before and I’m sure I’ll say it again in blogs to come- because this advice is so important. Don’t get lost over the insignificant things, like clothes on the floor or unmade beds, because if you do you’ll go crazy. Not to mention, you won’t have energy left for the things that really do matter.

3. Don’t ever lose your sense of humor

This goes hand-in-hand with no sweating the small stuff. Always remember to laugh and make light of the things that can be made light of. It will help you stay sane in the crazy world of motherhood.

4. Don’t get upset over milestones

Their first day of kindergarten is bittersweet for every mother, but don’t let it get to you passed that morning. There will be many milestones in your child’s life, all the way through the birth of their own child, so it’s important to put a positive spin on it and not get weighed down in negativity or the past. 

5. Don’t judge another parent’s parenting

Some parents do this a lot, but don’t be one of them. Every child is different, so there is no such thing as one right style of raising them. It is so important to be supportive and nonjudgmental of other mothers and their children because you never know when a time will come where you’re going to need other mothers to be supportive and judgement free of a situation your child is in. 

6. Don’t let another parent make you feel bad about your parenting 

Like I mentioned above, every child is different. No other parent has raised your child, so it is not their place to tell you how to raise your child. If the other classroom mom is judgmental of you being a working mom, don’t let it bother you. What works for her is fine, and if what works for you and your family is different then that is fine too. 

7. Never say never

I love this because in life in general this is true, but it becomes especially true in parenting. Once you become a mother, you google things and do things you never imagined you would. 

8. Don’t ever go to bed without saying “I love you"

No matter how long or stressful your day was, never let your kids go to bed without telling them how much you love them and how special they are. 

ONCEKids Publishing is run by literacy advocate and Mompreneur Eileen Wacker.  Click here to find her acclaimed books

What You'll Know By the End of Your First Year of Motherhood

Every mother-to-be has a certain expectation of how parenting will be and what kind of mother they see themselves as- don't deny it! But by the end of the first year as a mother, every woman knows what no book will ever tell you- some of those expectations turned out to be true, but most didn't. Motherhood is a unique and amazing experience that ultimately cannot be understood until you're actually experiencing it for yourself. So as you begin your journey through this nerve-wracking and exciting stage keep these things in mind:

-It doesn't matter how many books you read

The first thing every parent-to-be needs to accept is that there is no such thing as being 100% prepared to be a parent. Mistakes will be made. Surprises will happen. But you know what? That's okay! You learn as you go and that's the beauty of it! 

-Your body is going to be different in ways you didn't predict

Your postpartum body is going to to be stretched and squishy and it's probably going to make you feel self conscious and embarrassed at times- but cut yourself some slack! You just spent 9 months nurturing and carrying a little person! That right there is a beautiful thing, so don't ever let anything make you feel otherwise.

-Get ready for the unsolicited advice

Don't get me wrong, there are people out there with some fantastic advice that you are desperately going to need and appreciate. Then there are those other people. A lot of people are going to be pouring their parenting styles and techniques on you, whether you ask for

them or not, so prepare yourself to patiently and politely listen, nodding along, and then mentally disregard everything they just said. Other people's babies aren't like yours, so the only people who know exactly what kind of parenting works for your family are you and your husband. 

-Every baby is unique which means each experience will be too

Every baby is their own unique individual (just in a tiny body!) which means that there is is no manual (person or book!) who can tell you exactly what it's going to be like raising your child. It's a stressful, sleep-deprived, scary, beautiful and wonderful time in your life, so buckle up and prepare yourself for the ride, taking one thing at a time and learning as you go! 

Healing An Empty Heart From Your Empty Nest (Part 1 of 2)

It happens many times throughout motherhood, that squeeze in your chest, that inevitable ache in your heart that comes with change, a new chapter, the next step in your child's life. It starts when you have to leave your baby at daycare that first day back to work, the first time you drop them off at preschool, putting them on the bus for kindergarten- then before you know it, it's their first day of college.

Many mixed feelings come with these days, which can be confusing. On one hand you see the joy in their eyes, the big smile on their face, and feel happy for them- this is an exciting time in their lives- but on the other hand, you feel the grieving associated with change and moving on, they are leaving home and growing up. You can remember their birth, their first words, their 6th birthday, all like it was yesterday- how has time flown by so quickly? How is it possible they are 18 and now leaving for college? 

Many mothers feel tremendous worry when sending their child to college, what if they are not ready to leave home? What if they get sick or have trouble remembering to do important things? What if they party too hard or let their grades slip? These thoughts will make you feel anxious and the desire to not let them leave. But it is important to learn to let them, and these thoughts, go. Your child is 18 now, they are growing up and becoming their own person, and part of this is learning that they are going to make their own choices, as well as their own mistakes. As much as you will want to, you cannot protect and shield them from the real world forever. Just remind yourself that you did the very best job loving them and preparing them as you could, and now the rest is up to them.

The first step to coping with the change that comes with becoming an empty nester is to know that the feelings of grief and loss are both natural and inevitable- so welcome them. Know that it doesn't matter how hard you scrub the tub or organize the fridge, the tears will eventually come. But also know that it is okay, change is scary. But as scary as it is, change also an opportunity to start something new. With the ending of one chapter comes the beginning of another.

To learn more about Modern Moms and The Mom Code, please visit ONCEKids Publishing website, Facebook and Twitter

So allow yourself to think those bittersweet thoughts and feel that pang of sadness, but don't put them off and be in denial until it is time to say goodbye, or you will overwhelm yourself (and probably your child!) with the abrupt waterfall of emotions. Instead take some time in the weeks before move-in day arrives to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally with the change that is coming. 

Once the dreaded goodbye has been made and you've arrived back to your much quieter house, let the waterworks come, even allow yourself to slip into the regretful ugly cry. Get that emotional first visit to their now-empty room over with and the second (or third...okay maybe seventh) breakdown that will follow after finding their favorite stuffed animal tucked away under their bed. But once you have gotten that out of your system, it is time to get going on the start of your next chapter! 

Learn how to get going on starting your new chapter with Part 2: Strategies for New Empty Nesters

Has your family received a Nook, Kindle or iPad this year?  Find Fujimini Adventure Series award-winning books here.  Great family-friendly gifts.

The Less-Stress Back to School Guide for Parents

1. Get Doctors and Dentist Appointments Out of the Way Early

Even if it seems early, mid-July or the beginning of August is when you will want to start scheduling all of the kids' necessary appointments to get them ready for back to school. For two reasons, one: because this will save you from trying to cram all of it in amongst everything else you have to get done at the end of summer including scheduling around family vacations, and two: because almost everyone else schedules physicals and check-ups for mid or the end of August, so it is much more difficult to actually even get in to see someone around that time. 

2. Create a Budget for Back to School Shopping

Before making that dreaded trip to the mall to play the role of a human credit card, have each child make a list of what they need and then create a budget for how much you're willing to spend. If your kids have reached the age where they can pick out their own clothes and shoes, make sure to stress to them that they are free to do so, but within their allotted budget. So it's okay if your 13-year-old now wants the $50 Hollister jeans instead of Levis, just make sure she understands that if this is the case she won't be able to get as many pairs and once the money is gone, it's gone. Knowing most kids in their early teens, this is a sacrifice they are more than willing to make for the sake of their beloved name brands! Having a clear cut budget will not only help you leave the mall without having spent way more than you wanted to, but it will also begin to teach your kids about budgeting their money and spending it wisely.

3. Get school supply shopping done a few weeks ahead of time.

Don't be the parent pulling their hair out because their child's classes start tomorrow and Staples doesn't have the right size binder or required calculator left in stock. Take a day a few weeks before the end of the summer to go out with your kids (and a list!) to your local Staples or Office Max and pick up everything you need.

4. After purchasing the supplies, organize them!

As much as that Target trip is going to make you want to toss all the bags in the corner of the living room and forget about them for your last weeks of summer, do not make that mistake! Your future self will be really mad at you for that one! The night before the first dayback to school is not the time where you will want to be sorting through dozens of folders, pens, notebooks, and highlighters to make sure everyone has everything they need. Instead, have them organized so each kid has their pile of required supplies so when school time comes they 
can just pack up their backpacks and go.

To learn more about Modern Moms and The Mom Code, please visit ONCEKids Publishing website, Facebook and Twitter

5. Begin to regress back to the school year routine before the school year starts

A week or so before school starts, begin to implement the more structured dinner time or bedtime routines that were loosened up for the summer vacation. Otherwise, it will be too big of a change to try and go from a late bedtime and a more flexible day-to-day routine to a full day of school and an 8pm bedtime over the course of one day. If you start slowly moving back to an earlier bedtime routine and a more structured day, then it will be a smooth, gradual process come the end of summer rather than a shock to the children's (and the parents!) systems. 

Has your family received a Nook, Kindle or iPad this year?  Find Fujimini Adventure Series award-winning books here.  Great family-friendly gifts.