Is Drop Off Etiquette Realistic?

Written by Eileen Wacker

It’s only a month into the new school year and I’m stressed out by the end of most days. Getting kids up and out in the morning is a grind. Yes, we lay our clothes out, have our backpacks in the entryway, have all the clothes, equipment, notebooks and other essentials ready for their million activities. I make a healthy breakfast for each of my four kids who get up the first time I say in my sweetest voice ever, “Good morning! It’s time to get up angels!”

ONCEKids Publishing is run by literacy advocate and Mompreneur Eileen Wacker.  Click here to find her acclaimed books

I’M KIDDING! This never happens. It’s a gong show most mornings. If there is something in their stomachs and they are wearing shoes, it’s a pretty good start. The next goal is to get them to school on time with all the work they did actually in their backpacks. They fight over who sits where in the minivan and who positioned their backpack on purpose to touch the sibling’s leg. As we enter the rush hour traffic, my daughter announces that she wants to be a vegetarian. I apologize to her and tell her she will have to wait until college. It’s simply too inconvenient for a family of six to accommodate a vegetarian at this moment. Every one of them has some protest and the only way to quiet them is to let them stare at their phones and ignore the world around them, which includes me. Since I can’t bear to be the ignored taxi driver, I usually take the verbal battles, but I’m weary as we reach the school campus.

As I pull in, I fall in line with the other moms.  I tell my kids to have the best day ever and please do their best work. They look cute again and innocent as they get out of the car with their giant backpacks. They usually smile and wave.  I treasure this. Then, I spy ‘cutter mom’ pushing her way in and ‘trapper mom’ not letting anyone exit after the drop off. The first week we all expect chaos as we try and understand the rules. But by week four, please do not drive, staring straight ahead, sipping your coffee, pretending you have no idea there is any protocol.

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We can’t do anything about the traffic and morning routine chaos, but we can follow simple etiquette to make things move more smoothly on campus. It helps all of our moods too. I don’t want to caffeinate a bad mood!

Moms, Let's Choose People Over Sweaters

Written by Eileen Wacker

As all our kids go back to their fall routines, a mom’s life gets complicated. My routine is a combination of my four children’s calendars loaded on my shoulders. The final result is always a modernist work of art. In other words- messy, confusing to those who view it, and something other moms know is a thing of beauty. I’ve chased down the right club teams for my kids, the right voice and piano teachers, a tutor to get ready for standardized tests, and more. I’m fighting the good fight about electronic usage and dress code with my kids. In short, I’m riding a wave of peak chaos that unfolds with every school year.

ONCEKids Publishing is run by literacy advocate and Mompreneur Eileen Wacker.  Click here to find her acclaimed books

This is why I’m vulnerable right now. I’ve done all I can to get a good schedule in place for my kids, and, for better or worse, it’s done. Now my challenge is to get the kids to own it and stay on it.

Other moms could help me out by observing a few ground rules that are in line with the mom’s code (a bro code for moms).

#1) People over sweaters and shopping bags. At the school events, if we could hold ‘saving seats’ to a minimum, things would go a lot more smoothly. Why can’t I sit in the seat? I don’t think there are any sweater rights groups that would protest this bold new move. And please don’t bring tripods to every event to tape your child.

#2) If you put it out there, you have to share. When my kids were little and had play dates, I would tell them, “If there are a few special things you don’t want anyone else to play with, we can leave them in the closet. Everything else gets shared.” Moms, please don’t brag excessively about your super awesome, wonderful, and up-until-now secret schedule. I can’t change mine and I was perfectly happy with it until you told me about the fabulous tutors/coaches/etc. you found BUT they don’t want you to give out their information. Of course they don’t want to expand their business base! Come on moms! If you talk about it, you should share.

Learn more about The Moms Code.  Like The Moms Code on Facebook  Follow The Moms Code on Twitter.  Find on Instagram.

#3) No measuring please. It would really helpful if the classrooms on back-to-school night did not contain reading stars and leveled multiplication charts hung on every wall. Then the inevitable question, “My daughter Emily went to an accelerated math camp this summer and she really needs to be working above grade level. I’m sure other kids are in this same situation.” Not mine. I wish we could stick with art on the walls. I can handle it if my child is not the best artist. I can even crack a joke. But with academics, my eyes drift over and I look at where my child is stacking up. It’s like a parent report!

I love when my kids are back in school but let’s try to keep the competition reasonable. I promise to do my best.

Thumbs down on Halloween

Written by Eileen Wacker

We are still in the middle of back to school nights, sports are ramping up and homework is starting to roll in. I feel like I’m losing time because every store I go into already has Halloween decorations and candy. Since I have four kids, I really love and embrace holidays as a chance to celebrate and create happy childhood memories.

Learn more about The Moms Code.  Like The Moms Code on Facebook  Follow The Moms Code on Twitter.  Find on Instagram.

I’m going to make a confession. I don’t like Halloween. Orange and black with a hint of green don’t go together for me as a kid color palette. They are perfect for a tiger. Too harsh and scary for little kids. And I don’t like pumpkin carving at all. There are tools for sale at every store and almost every classroom across the U.S. holds a pumpkin carving event. My son summed up the insides of a pumpkin quite correctly, “Pumpkin guts are gross!” Ninety percent of the mush gets thrown away and then the trash smells. Room moms count on dads taking a half day off to come in and help carve the pumpkins. The kids are not carving them. So the dads either ask the mom to fill in for this gruesome task or enter into a massively competitive pumpkin carving war with each other.

ONCEKids Publishing is run by literacy advocate and Mompreneur Eileen Wacker.  Click here to find her acclaimed books

The night of Halloween, my children attempt to collect massive amounts of candy. I don’t mind the sweets. And, there are two elements of Halloween that I adore. I love homemade costumes and that my child can be anyone he wants to be for that day. I also love the ‘pause for humanity’ when a porch light on signifies an individual is behind his or her door waiting with a smile, compliment and a treat for every neighbor or stranger who knocks. I also find Jimmy Kimmel’s annual video of children’s responses to their parent’s telling them they ate all of their Halloween candy to be hilarious.

How to Initiate Productive Family Meetings

Now that the summer is winding down and school is around the corner for some and already here for others, there are going to be lots of changes in family dynamics, schedules, and routines. With all the changes, many parents see it best to sit their families down and host a family meeting. Holding a family meeting allows parents to communicate the upcoming changes as well as expectations for each of the children, while giving the children an opportunity to voice their opinions and desires for the new routine. 

Family meetings are important and effective when there is going to be a change in schedules but they are also helpful and very beneficial to have on a weekly or monthly basis throughout the school year. Hosting a weekly or monthly family meeting helps to strengthen the family bond, bring everyone closer together, and communicate more effectively. The mutual support and understanding that stems from these meetings brings more harmony, love and respect among members of the family. 

ONCEKids Publishing is run by literacy advocate and Mompreneur Eileen Wacker.  Click here to find her acclaimed books

Despite family meetings being both important and beneficial, that does not mean they are easy to initiate or host. With everyone’s busy and changing schedules, having the time or ability to have your entire family sit down for a family meeting can be a rare or daunting task. For these reasons, it is crucial to know the best strategies for planning and implementing productive, efficient meetings. Dr. Barton Goldsmith from Psychology Today provides ten key strategies for hosting the best, most beneficial family meeting possible. He reminds readers to remember that all families are unique, so be creative and add or tweak rules as fitted to your family’s needs.

1. Keep it up-beat

Start the meeting by asking everyone how their week was and the best thing that happened in school. Don’t be afraid to use your sense of humor and laugh together, communication is easier when everyone is having a good time. Try and keep it light whenever possible, especially at the beginning!

2. Don’t try to control participation

Let everyone in the family join in when they have something to say, but don’t force participation and avoid putting people on the spot. Don’t use the words mandatory or required when asking teens to participate in the meeting, that may cause tension and spoil the atmosphere right from the beginning. Instead, invite them to participate and even if they decline, chances are they will join after a few minutes just to see what they are missing. 

3. Encourage each member of the family to join the meeting

Although it is good to avoid putting family members on the spot, use positive encouragement to try and get everyone to join in and voice their feelings or opinions. If one member is not talking, Dr. Goldsmith suggests using some gentle questioning to get him or her to open up. This can even be as simple as asking, “What was the best thing that happened to you this week?” 

4. Be creative with meeting space

Find a place in your home where everyone is comfortable and everyone can see one another. A kitchen or dining room table is a great spot for meetings. If things may get tense at the house, a fun, public place may be a better location for a meeting- such as a pizza parlor or the local miniature golf course. If you choose a busy, fun location keep in mind that it may be harder to keep family members on track with the conversation. 

5. Give everyone a chance to to lead the meeting

Giving each of the children a chance to lead the conversation and voice their opinions will make them feel validated as well as realize that their think matters. Making each family members’ opinions, thoughts, and feelings important will make everyone leave the meeting feeling happier and like they benefitted from the experience. Also, writing down a list of each members’ contributions as well as the agreed upon goals will be a great way to refer back to the main points of the meeting later on and remember all that was discussed.

6. Be creative with your agenda

Having some goals set for the meeting ahead of time is important, but being flexible with how the meeting goes is key to making it work. Kids tend to have a low boredom threshold, so if the meeting is too much like school, they make mentally check out halfway through. 

Some examples of potential family meeting topics include:

A. What happened last week

B. What happening this week as well as future plans

C. Money related issues

D. Questions/comments about anything that anyone needs to talk about 

7. End each meeting with a fun experience

Ending the meeting with a fun event will not only encourage everyone to attend and participate, but also make the children more likely to actually look forward to the meetings instead of dread them. Doing something fun also doesn’t need to involve going out of spending money, it can mean a special dessert, a movie night, or a game night. If everyone does want to go out, consider doing something like going bowling, going out for ice-cream, or going to the movies. Plan the experience as a family and remind the kids that if they don’t get to do what they wanted this time, there is always next week. This way, no one will get upset and it provides a lesson for teaching the children about patience. 

8. Help each other resolve any issues

Dr. Goldsmith reminds us that family meetings are purposed as a bonding tool for teaching as well as inspiring everyone that being close as a family is the best thing for everyone concerned. Talk issues out until they are resolved, or at least until everyone politely agrees to disagree. Explaining your decisions to your children and getting support is important in teaching children about fairness and about being a family. Point out areas where there have been difficulties, but don’t be punitive.

9. Consult a therapist if/when necessary

If you and your spouse are having trouble navigating some of the deeper issues, do not be afraid to consult a professional. Most families struggle with communication sometimes or have moments of difficultly, being comfortable getting advice when needed will make life a lot easier!

10. Remember that its never to late to become closer as a family

Dr. Goldsmith saves this one for last to point out that it is critical to never give up on making your family work as a team and that the only way to fail is to not try at all. 

Dr. Goldsmith believes that parents have two jobs, to teach their children how to love and to teach them how to live without their parents. He firmly believes that family meetings with help parents to accomplish both of these. According to him, trying for a weekly family meeting will be one of the highest return investments you will ever make! 

To maximize effective communication and harmony within the household, consider making a weekly or monthly family meeting your “back to school resolution”! 

Parents, what additional strategies do you use to ensure your family meeting goes smoothly and productively? Comment below with your additions and suggestions! 

ONCEKids Publishing is run by literacy advocate and Mompreneur Eileen Wacker.  Click here to find her acclaimed books

The Back to School Frenzy: Why we Need a Bro Code for Moms #BackToSchool (PART 2 of 2)

He doesn’t see the competitive chaos that has crept in everywhere. Lining up the tutors, coaches, instructors, and activities is the baseline. Then I hear about all the skills training and amazing adventures all the other kids had. Shoot! I should have skipped the relatives and sent my child to an academic boot camp or a total immersion language program. I start to second-guess myself. Am I doing enough?

I already have a pile of back-to-school nights on the calendar. 

The back-to-school frenzy is one place a mom’s code would help. I will illustrate with a few true scenarios.

ONCEKids Publishing is run by literacy advocate and Mompreneur Eileen Wacker.  Click here to find her acclaimed books

The mom who asks at the sixth grade session, “What can be done to accommodate my child who studied math at John Hopkins and should really be working above grade level?” makes us cringe. As my friend Lanie says, “I wish someone would sew her mouth shut.”

Or the mom at the seventh grade session who says, “I think exceptions should be made for some children to take Latin and another language. Latin will help on the standardized tests, but it’s a dead language so the brightest kids should take two languages.” I think she believes we live in the Netherlands where every eleven year old should speak at least three languages. Then again, being able to talk in a dead language to zombies and vampires might come in useful. I’m joking. Comments like these add too much pressure and ‘schedule panic’ to the laid back ‘meet and greet’ atmosphere the teacher is struggling to create. Please reserve this for a one-on-one with the teacher. 

Or, one of my favorites, at the fourth grade open house, all the good field trips are filled up before the back-to-school event starts and the guilty parents run to the bathroom as the other parents, who are first in line, start to point fingers. Add on pick-ups and drop-offs rules that are never followed by some parents who think they have more rights than the rest of us. Every year there is a mass of chaos. I think the school should designate a ‘for special people only’ line as this is one line people would want to be seen in. There should be some line, somewhere that moms feel embarrassed to cross.

School hasn’t even begun and the voice classes are full. The same is true for drama and dance. My kids sometimes change their mind about what sports or activities they want to sign up for, but by then there are no spaces left! Things filled up months ago. How I can execute my strategic mommy agenda when my little monsters keep weighing in and asserting their strong wills against my overscheduling and worry?

My kids aren’t worried about a lack of college prep or making a sports team at school. Or advancing a level in piano or starring in the school show. Or securing the best tutor. I worry that they are not worried about the right things. But deep down inside I know they are worried about the right things (like humongous kicking giraffes and clowns) and I need to step back out of the competitive chaos and keep some perspective.

I will participate to some extent because some of it is okay. But we need a few ground rules. I’m hungry and sleep deprived and don’t have time for the competitive nonsense. Or else I’m going to buckle and eat a bowl of brownie batter. And I’m only one day into my diet.

It’s time we admitted that we need a Bro Code for Moms. The Mom’s Code.

Please click here to see the mom’s code tenets and a rationale of why! Welcome!

Eileen Wacker, a Harvard Business School graduate, lived and worked in seven different countries, including the United States. She commuted to Asia for nearly three years as part of a business development team, which sparked her interest in Asian culture, then lived in Seoul Korea for four years. Wacker now resides in Honolulu, Hawaii, with her husband and four children, one of whom is a daughter adopted from China. She wrote the Mom’s Code, which includes over 100 stories from women around the globe about raising kids in today’s challenging arena. She is also a passionate and involved advocate for children’s literacy. For more information please visit her new website: https://momscode.com/preview/tenets

The Back to School Frenzy: Why we Need a Bro Code for Moms #BackToSchool (PART 1 of 2)

I just pulled an all-nighter. Not a partying all-nighter with friends, but a night spent staring at the ceiling with a giant ‘to-do’ list looping through my head. Eyes wide open, trapped in my worry vortex. It’s back-to-school season and I’m exhausted and frazzled.

On one hand, having my four kids back with their friends at school will be blissful. We’ve had lots of together time, traveling to the East Coast to see family and friends, sleeping in princess beds and doing laundry on the fly. Stressful travel and time changes threw a few moments of suffering our way, but it was worth all the fuss to catch up and reconnect.

ONCEKids Publishing is run by literacy advocate and Mompreneur Eileen Wacker.  Click here to find her acclaimed books

My kids miss socializing with their friends when they are on a long break. When I drop the last kid off at the school curb, I celebrate. I can finally get some work done. I can have lunch with a friend and eat food that I want to eat. I can start to work out again. All the fast food, ice creams, meals out and barbeques add up. Building childhood memories is fattening and I need to lose weight. But when I’m really hungry, I lose patience more easily and end up yelling at my kids.

I’ve spent the last week getting school supplies and making sure they have the right clothes for the school dress code, PE, and sports. I was taking my daughters back-to-school clothes shopping today. They are pretty fun to shop with if they get to pick out their own clothes. My oldest daughter said, “Can I ask you a question?” She had already asked me about 167 questions and I was sure I’d been asked over 300 questions from the four kids combined. “Can Asheley sleep over? Can you pick her up? Her mom works. Can I meet some friends at the movies tomorrow and go to the beach if there is no hurricane? Can we get pesto sauce so I can make pasta to bring the first day?” She doesn’t wait for answers. I want her to enjoy her last moments before school, but her proposed agenda times four kids makes me start to clutch the wheel and sweat. Her sister wants her friend to come over for two days of swimming, Dave and Busters and hide and seek. My son is all-in on bowling and reminding me that he is absolutely the only eighth grader in his school or on this planet for that matter who is not allowed to see rated ‘R’ movies. My other son’s club basketball started and there is practice or a game every day in all different parts of the city.

My kids claim I force them to go to summer school, tennis, running and basketball camps and National Geographic expeditions. They insinuate I stole their summer and owe them these last moments of fun. I want to yell, “It’s for your own good and I had to pay for it and get you there with the thousand pounds of gear you needed!” But I have to remain the bigger person, at least until I get them to the school gates.

Thank goodness for my mom friends. We all have slightly different versions of the same stories. We get together and we vent. This is the cleanse diet for stress. I can’t really vent to my husband or he gets out some random power tool ready to fix something, or makes the colossal mistake of saying, “You always overschedule them. You need to cut this out.”

Click here for Part 2

Eileen Wacker, a Harvard Business School graduate, lived and worked in seven different countries, including the United States. She commuted to Asia for nearly three years as part of a business development team, which sparked her interest in Asian culture, then lived in Seoul Korea for four years. Wacker now resides in Honolulu, Hawaii, with her husband and four children, one of whom is a daughter adopted from China. She wrote the Mom’s Code, which includes over 100 stories from women around the globe about raising kids in today’s challenging arena. She is also a passionate and involved advocate for children’s literacy. For more information please visit her new website: https://momscode.com/preview/tenets

How to Make Back to School Fun For Everyone

As it does every year, the summer has flown by and it is already time for kids to be going back to school. Although the summer months coming to a close is always disappointing, for many parents sending their kids back to school is not quite as bittersweet! What can be chaotic, however, is making that transition from a summer routine back into a school routine.

ONCEKids Publishing is run by literacy advocate and Mompreneur Eileen Wacker.  Click here to find her acclaimed books

For children, the end of summer can be a sad time and for those who are nervous about going to school, it can also be quite anxiety provoking. However, there are some ways that parents can ease anxiety and keep the fun going even as the summer winds down. Keeping kids positive and happy about the start of school makes the transition from a summer routine easier for everyone involved. 

Mommy Blogger and writer for MadameNoire, Tanvier Peart, gives some of her best advice for how parents can make the most of the end of summer and get their kids back on track for school. 

1. Make back to school shopping an exciting event

Finding new clothes and checking off all the supplies on their seemingly endless school supplies list can be a hassle and sometimes end up as a source of stress if the kids are not enthused about the trip. By trying to make it a really exciting event that signifies back to school and getting new stuff, it will pump kids up and most likely make them more pleasant shopping companions- and make the expedition run a lot more smoothly in general. 

2. Talk up their grade

Making the grade your child is about to go into sound really cool and exciting will most likely ease some of the anxiety or dread of the upcoming first day of school and make kids proud to be getting older and moving up in school. 

3. Host an end of summer bash or cookout

Ending the summer with a really fun neighborhood get together or cookout with family and friends will give the whole family something to look forward to and make the last bit of summer really count. 

In addition to a cookout, host a family game night or camp out in the backyard. 

4. Create a stylish homework station

Every student, from kindergarteners to high schoolers, need a quiet space to do their homework every day after school- so use this time to find the best spot in the house to dub the homework station, whether it is in the child’s room, an office, or a corner in the kitchen. Then, make it fun by decorating the station and adding some stylish supplies. Have the kids help you to get them more excited too and make homework as fun as homework can be!

5. Create a fall activities calendar 

For kids who are really bummed about the end of summer, it is important to remind them that just because summer is ending doesn’t mean that the fun stops. Create a fall activities list or calendar to show kids all the fun activities there are to do in the fall, even when they’ve gone back to school. This list might help to ease your end-of-summer-blues, as well! 

Parents! Let us know: How do you make back to school time fun for your kids? 

ONCEKids Publishing is run by literacy advocate and Mompreneur Eileen Wacker.  Click here to find her acclaimed books