What You'll Know By the End of Your First Year of Motherhood

Every mother-to-be has a certain expectation of how parenting will be and what kind of mother they see themselves as- don't deny it! But by the end of the first year as a mother, every woman knows what no book will ever tell you- some of those expectations turned out to be true, but most didn't. Motherhood is a unique and amazing experience that ultimately cannot be understood until you're actually experiencing it for yourself. So as you begin your journey through this nerve-wracking and exciting stage keep these things in mind:

-It doesn't matter how many books you read

The first thing every parent-to-be needs to accept is that there is no such thing as being 100% prepared to be a parent. Mistakes will be made. Surprises will happen. But you know what? That's okay! You learn as you go and that's the beauty of it! 

-Your body is going to be different in ways you didn't predict

Your postpartum body is going to to be stretched and squishy and it's probably going to make you feel self conscious and embarrassed at times- but cut yourself some slack! You just spent 9 months nurturing and carrying a little person! That right there is a beautiful thing, so don't ever let anything make you feel otherwise.

-Get ready for the unsolicited advice

Don't get me wrong, there are people out there with some fantastic advice that you are desperately going to need and appreciate. Then there are those other people. A lot of people are going to be pouring their parenting styles and techniques on you, whether you ask for

them or not, so prepare yourself to patiently and politely listen, nodding along, and then mentally disregard everything they just said. Other people's babies aren't like yours, so the only people who know exactly what kind of parenting works for your family are you and your husband. 

-Every baby is unique which means each experience will be too

Every baby is their own unique individual (just in a tiny body!) which means that there is is no manual (person or book!) who can tell you exactly what it's going to be like raising your child. It's a stressful, sleep-deprived, scary, beautiful and wonderful time in your life, so buckle up and prepare yourself for the ride, taking one thing at a time and learning as you go! 

Building Your Mom-Tourage: How to Make Mom Friends (Part Two)

In Building Your Mom-Tourage part one, we talked about all the reasons why having mom friends are important, but how does one necessarily go about getting said friends in the first place? Sometimes it can be hard for moms, especially brand new ones, to find a group of other moms to surround themselves with. These are the women you click with, laugh with, and share some of your hardest moments with- finding people like that can be a lot more difficult than you might think and that can often lead to moms feeling lonely or isolated. 

Child psychologist Joanna Jacobs compares the process of acquiring mom friends as back to being an adolescent in high school but says "No matter how awkward you feel, just remember every new mom is in the same situation, and all moms, no matter what stage of motherhood they are in, crave friendship." 

So i've researched and gathered five different strategies for helping moms go out of their comfort zone, break the ice, and cultivate those crucial friendships.

1. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there

As awkward and nerve wracking as it may feel, this is a situation where you just have to cram all of your shyness away and step out of your comfort zone. Don't wait for other mothers to approach you first, it is important to learn to be okay with making the first move. Break the ice with a compliment, to her or her child, and see if the conversation flows. If it is a person that you have a connection with, after those first few awkward moments the conversation should start to become easier and less forced. 

2. Exchange contact information

If you made good small talk and felt some positive energy, don't just walk away from it without any of their information! Now a days with Twitter, cell phones, email, and Facebook there are so many different ways to get a hold of people. You never know where really great friendships can come from so exchange information, before you leave, even if it's just an email or home phone number. Besides, there is never harm in just asking!

3. Schedule a play date with your kids

Kids are some of the best ice breakers out there, especially between moms. So if you are noticing that your kids are getting along, plan a play date! That way while your kids are having a good time and making new friends, you are too. Ease some of the anxiety you might feel about this first get together by doing something simple and casual, like a walk through the park with your strollers or a lunch date at your house. Being in an environment where you feel most comfortable will help you to relax and feel confident while putting yourself out there. 

4. Plan a follow up grown-ups play date

After you have had a few successful play dates with your new mom friend and her kids, plan the next one without the kids. Take some time out to grab dinner, go out for some drinks, or get coffee to just unwind and have some girls-night-style fun. Even if its in the middle of the afternoon while the kids are napping, give her a call and invite her over for coffee and some lunch. Making plans with new people is really refreshing and adds excitement when your days start feeling repetitive. 

5. Get out of the house!

Sometimes the hardest part is simply getting out of the house and going somewhere. Moms of newborns who spend a lot of time sleeping are especially affected by this. But regardless, it is important to make and effort and motivate yourself to get outside as much as possible because spending too much time alone or in the house can lead to some of the feelings of loneliness and depression that some moms experience. Even if it is just putting the baby in a stroller and taking a walk through the neighborhood or the local park, it can be very uplifting and put you in a great mood. Plus you never know who you will meet along the way! 

If you haven't already, don't forget to check out Building Your Mom-Tourage Part One: Why It Is Important to Have Mom Friends!

To learn more about Modern Moms and The Mom Code, please visit ONCEKids Publishing website, Facebook and Twitter

Building Your Mom-tourage: Why Every Mom Needs Mommy Friends (Part One)

Over the course of your life you obtain all kinds of different types of friends- you have your work friends, your high school friends, roommates from college, your husband's friends, and so on. It's always a positive thing to have a wide variety of people in your circle, it makes life more interesting. But as you start to have a family, there is one group of people in your life that are going to become more and more important- your mommy friends. 

1. They get it

These women understand the joys and the challenges that come from being a mother better than anyone else can, they have been there for the ups and the downs, the good days and the difficult ones. They are the people you can have deep and way too detailed conversations with about balancing work and parenting, breast feeding, the terrible twos, and everything in between. They aren't going to judge you for your messy car or thrown together ponytail, they are right there with ya!

2. They are the perfect people to vent to

Anything from issues at work to the kids or husband (or both!) that are driving you crazy, other moms are the best listeners because they most likely deal with the exact same issues that drive them totally insane as well. So they will let you vent and then vent right back to you, so not only have you gotten things off your chest, but it leaves you with that good feeling of knowing you're not the only one. 

3. They have your back

On those mornings where the baby is crying and the kids are late for school but Suzie can't find her homework and breakfast is burning and you can't find your keys- your mommy friends are the ones who will come over right away, pajamas still on and all, to finish packing the lunches and locating keys and homework while you calm the baby down and get organized. When you and your husband are in desperate need of a date night but can't find a sitter, these are the women who will more than willingly watch the kids for a few hours (good luck hunting down your non-parent friends for this task!). When other moms make you feel bad at school for not raising enough money during the fundraiser or bringing in store-bought cookies for the bake sale, your mom friends will be there to help you brush it off and make you laugh about it.

To learn more about Modern Moms and The Mom Code, please visit ONCEKids Publishing website, Facebook and Twitter

4. Your kids can play together

While you guys have play dates, your kids can hang out too! Not to mention being able to carpool or have a place your kid is actually excited about going to after school for a few hours when you need to finish some things up at work. And if they have kids a little bit older than yours- hooray for hand me downs! 

Being a parent can be really hard and isolating sometimes, so it is crucial to surround yourself with other parents who are going through what you are going through and can offer you advice and be a source of constant support. And what may start out as just a mother of your child's friend can turn into a lasting friendship, so don't be afraid to put yourself out there!

Learn the tips for cultivating mommy-friendships in the upcoming part two of Building Your Mom-tourage!

7 Strategies for New Empty Nesters (Part 2 of 2)

Some parents struggle with this new stage more than others, but for every parent, having your last child leave home is undoubtably a time of great change and mixed emotions. On one hand you are excited for your child and feel happy for the new stage of life they are entering, but on the other, there is a certain amount of grief that is felt with their growing up and becoming more independent- becoming less dependent on you. 

There are several emotional and psychological changes one can make to try to ease some of the negative feelings associated with becoming an empty nester, such as changing your perspective (instead of thinking you are done parenting remember your role as a parent is simply changing, instead of thinking of this as the end think of it as a beginning, ect), allowing yourself to grieve, and so on- but there are also many activities you can participate in to maximize your happiness during this new chapter and minimize the anxiety and sadness. So we have compiled a list of 7 things you can do to kickstart your new life as an empty nester!

1. Make a list of goals 

They can be goals for this week, this year, or the next ten years, but writing down what types of things you would like to get accomplished in this new stage will help you to feel more excited and less nervous about the changing situation. 

2. Get busy!

Initially you will have more trouble controlling some of the emotional upset and negative thoughts, so it is important to keep yourself busy! Fill up your schedule as much as possible- go to the gym, clean the house, treat yourself to a pedicure, meet up with friends- anything to get your mind off things for a while!

3. Tell them you miss them- but not too much

As hard as it might be, let your kids call you not the other way around. They are going to be really busy getting involved in school and making new friends. But when they do call, don't feel like you can't tell them that you miss them or are thinking about them, this is a scary time with big changes for your child as well, so it will probably comfort them and mean a lot to hear those things from you. But don't tell them too much about how much you miss them because that might make them feel sad or guilty. 

To learn more about Modern Moms and The Mom Code, please visit ONCEKids Publishing website, Facebook and Twitter

4. Focus on your marriage

Once all the kids are out of the house, the dynamics between you and your husband are going to be changing for the first time in almost two decades, so really take this time to enjoy the changing relationship. Go on some special dates, make a bucket list, do something really fun together and just enjoy each other's company. 

5. Focus on your career or a new hobby

If you are a working mom, use this time to really dive into and get ahead in your career. If you were a stay at home mom, use the newfound freedom and less hectic schedule to start to do some things you have wanted to do but haven't had time for. Plant a garden, learn how to be a better cook, learn a new language- the possibilities are endless! This is the first time in your life since having children that you can really truly step back and work on yourself, so enjoy it!

6. Start a new workout routine

Continuing with the theme of working on yourself, this is the perfect time to get into a really good work out routine! Especially if you're having a down day, hitting the gym, getting some blood circulating and some endorphins pumping is almost guaranteed to make you feel better! Eating healthy and exercising aren't only good for your physical health, but excellent for your mental health as well.

7. Schedule a Girls' Night Out- or ten

There is nothing like a night out with the girls to make you feel better when you're down. And now that it is just you and your husband around, you'll have more down time- so call up your girlfriends and plan a night out with plenty of wine! With the hectic schedules and busy-ness of motherhood, it is easy to let weeks or even months slip by without getting together, so really use this time to focus on your friendships and make Girls Night Out a regular part of your new routine. Maybe even try to cultivate some new friendships or get together with a few acquaintances, you never know who you can have certain things in common with that can turn into a great friendship. 

Comment below and tell us what strategies you used to cope with becoming an empty nester! 

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